Carrying baggage from the past prevents us from having a new experience in the present moment. Hanging on the past and not moving through the pain and the bullshit, dooms us to repeat our patterns. I’ll speak for myself and say this, that statements holds true for multiple areas in my life.
If I say “Ugh I always date losers who use me for XYZ” then I only date losers who use me for XYZ. I become a bitter Betty. I hang on and prove myself right again and again. Sometimes it shape-shifts with a new kind of loser because I never really addressed the root of the problem – me.
Or maybe the past ruins your present differently. You say “I’ll never do that again” and you are so determined never to do “that” again, that you swing so far in the other direction you ultimately head right back to where you don’t want to be. I’ll never be in the position again where I have to think about what I buy/check my bank account before walking into Target. I get to a place where I make enough money that I don’t ever have to check my bank account before going to Target. BUT then I find myself going on spending sprees after working so hard to get out of debt/get financially fit. I didn’t properly address the past, I stuck a nice little band-aid on it, and started heading back to where I didn’t want to be.
So what does this have to do with your wardrobe?
The same shit happens with our clothes.
I’ll give you two examples that I witnessed through working with clients. I’ll keep them anonymous of course.
Client #1- Grew up poor and had to shop at Goodwill for her wardrobe. She grows up and becomes a very successful woman who can buy whatever the hell she wants. So she does. Again and again and again. She buys just because she can and is telling the world, “see I don’t have to shop at Goodwill anymore. Look at me go.”
The problem is her wardrobe suffered; her self-esteem suffered, she couldn’t find herself and therefore couldn’t dress her self. Her clothes piled up in her closet, tags attached, and then she called me.
Of course in my true Style Therapy fashion, I truth bombed her, and we got clear on the fact that doesn’t have to prove anything to anybody. She is allowed to stay in the now with her successful badass self.
It was time to let go of that wardrobe trauma and start a new chapter in her style life.
Client #2- Smart as a whip and not a drop of style. Her mother, on the other hand, a freaking fashion plate. During her childhood, Mom begged her and begged her for years to focus on her style, to dress better, and to dress for the job you want not the job you have. My client rebelled and dressed as horrible as possible. She knew better, had good taste, but refused to show it because wants to get a not-so-subtle fuck you to mama.
She swung so far in the other direction that is hurt her life. She was in a job that she hated, was single and not loving it, and used humor to cover up her insecurities.
Then she called me.
We went in on that wardrobe trauma and her style rebellion and got clear on that fact that hurting her mother was hurting HER (not mom) the most. She was putting her whole life on hold to “show” someone else.
Once we attached her past head-on, she was able to move past it and embrace her new sense of style. She did this for herself, not her mother.
My trauma- I have lots of wardrobe trauma… I noticed some trauma the other day when I was getting my notes together for this live video.
I was shopping online and found an Alexander McQueen hoodie with lace sleeves. I said to myself, “I can make that.” Then quickly laughed and added to cart.
You see, I used to make my clothes growing up, and as a child, most of my clothing was made my grandmother. I went to school for fashion design where I made clothing all day long. The idea of making clothing has a deep connection to my grandmother who we lost to cancer a few years ago. Making something without her around feels strange and wrong. I would rather spend $500 on a hoodie that I can make myself than work through the uncomfortable feeling of missing my grandmother.
That shit hit me hard. I didn’t check out and realized there are things from my past that are holding me back. Creativity and design are the roots of my career as a stylist. In fact, just the other day at an entrepreneur group someone asked me if I ever thought about starting my line. I quickly said no and then was like well I did go to school for that. Trauma.
Where is your wardrobe trauma? Does it show up about money? You want to prove to people you had it because you didn’t before. Does it show up through proving someone wrong? You want to show people that you can get ahead without playing the “fashion game.” Does it show up in relation to your body? You are wearing skimpy clothes all the time because you used to be larger and you want to show the world.
I’m not saying that any of these reactions to wardrobe trauma is wrong, but what I am saying is it might be time to look at it more deeply. I won’t even go into all of my wardrobe trauma because we just don’t have the time, but damn Gina it runs deep.
Let me know in the comments how wardrobe trauma has affected you.