The day my Match.com account expired was the happiest day of my week – I’ll save you from the dramatics by saying it was the happiest day of my life.
This Match.com will likely my last, not because this guy is the man of my dreams. He was not. I will be meeting my future dates offline, at least for the immediate future.
To be fair, this wasn’t the worst date in the world (this one was) but it didn’t exactly go as well as it did in my mind.
After a flurry of terrible prospects on Match.com, and a Tinder date who would not stop texting me. Receiving an email from attractive silver fox on Match.com made all of that past terror seem worth it.
He was attractive, an entrepreneur, a frequent traveler, into fitness, cooking, and just seemed like an all-around good guy. Sign me up!
Was finding love actually possible on Match.com? Maybe I needed to date a few trolls first, and this man was my reward.
Prior to the actual date, he sent me three restaurant options to choose from and all three were pretty casual, some tragically so, and one looked hip enough to warrant a cute outfit.
I opted for a pair of white skinny jeans, a black peplum top (it worked well on a past date), and a pair of Manolo Blahnik heels. My makeup was simple and for accessories I opted for my classic Chanel bag and a ring.
I felt sexy, and dressed up but not overly so for the setting. All in all, I’d say I was dressed for a successful first date.
I arrived at the restaurant a bit early (that’s how I roll) and posted up at my usual right outside the restaurant spot so we could walk in together.
Seriously? I can’t stand it when people are late. He texted me 5 minutes later to say he was running late (uh, duh), so I waited. I’m weirdly getting nervous because you know, the whole hottie entrepreneur thing.
Well, the man who arrived was NOTHING like the man on the Match.com profile. This bait and switch bullshit is really starting to get old.
First of all, he was short. I don’t even care about height on a man but don’t tell me you are 5’11 when you are 5’8. Lies aren’t cool. When he walked up to me, he was like “oh you’re wearing heels …” Duh, mother f$cker! I work in fashion … HELLO!!
Second of all, he was wearing full on nerd glasses – ones a third grader would wear. Again, glasses can be hot but don’t lie!!!!
And the worst offense of all? He was wearing DAD JEANS!!! Dad jeans. Light wash, baggy, ill-fitting dad jeans. I don’t need a super fashionable man in my life, really I don’t, but dad jeans? I draw the line at dad jeans.
Of course that wasn’t THE line. He asked me out on a second date, I decided to have an open mind about it so I said yes. For the second date he waited until a few hours before to secure the plan. NOPE! Lauren waits for no man, you need to book in advance.
1.) Dress to the level of your environment: If you are going to a sports bar, don’t wear a cocktail dress. Dress up (always look your best) but do so in a way that still supports the dress code of your location.
2.) Wear heels: Listen, guys lie. They just freaking do. If their dating profile says 6’1, you better believe they are 5’11. Whatever they say, subtract one or two inches. Also, wear heels – it helps you see the truth.